Why Did God Allow all This Crap Happen to my Daughter?

Why did God let Bethany get so sick that she nearly died? Why did He allow her to become multiply disabled? Why has He let her suffer so miserably more often than not? Why hasn’t He healed her?

Why does God allow ANY child to get sick, be disabled, go hungry, be abused, be kidnapped, suffer, die or even be murdered?

NOT BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS NEED TO LEARN A VALUABLE LESSON!!!

I’ve heard that statement spoken by many well meaning people over the years. I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy that theory.

Plus that  is not a comforting statement to make to a parent of a suffering child…Not in my opinion, anyway.

I do not believe that my merciful and loving God would allow Bethany  to be sick, disabled or suffer in order to teach me or my husband a lesson.

I do not believe that God would make any child suffer anything to teach their parents a lesson.

Even so,  I’ll be the first to admit that  I’ve  definitely learned  a  lesson or two from the experience of having a daughter with a  devastating illness and disabilities.  Every parent of every child who has ever suffered has undoubtedly learned a few lessons along the way.  It would be impossible no to.

Now, I could be wrong here  but, If any of us parents needed to learn a lesson that badly, if God wanted to get our attention that badly…wouldn’t it make more sense for God to cause  us, ourselves to be the ones doing the suffering?

Saying that  children get sick, suffer, and die  because their parents  need to learn a lesson is like saying  that it’s the parents’ fault that their child is suffering!  That’s a hell of a burden to put on a parent!

I WOULD RATHER DO MY OWN SUFFERING TO LEARN MY OWN LESSONS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

I’m also fairly certain that any parent would feel the same way.

 

Another thing that many well meaning spiritual people have quoted to us is  Romans 8: 28- “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I’m sorry, once again- but that is NOT a comforting thing to say to a parent of a suffering child…At least not this parent of a suffering child!

I DON’T WANT MY DAUGHTER TO  SUFFER BECAUSE GOD IS TRYING TO DEMONSTRATE THE TRUTH OF THAT VERSE TO THE WORLD!

But, I will admit that some good things have happened that might very well never have happened if Bethany had not gotten sick!

 

I’ve also heard some parents of sick, disabled, or suffering children spout out that their child’s condition was a blessing!   I am sorry, but that is not a super spiritual thing to say.

THAT IS A SUPER STUPID THING TO SAY!!  AND IT IS A LIE!  IT IS SOOOOO NOT A BLESSING FOR ANYONE,  ESPECIALLY THE CHILD WHO IS SICK, SUFFERING , OR DYING!!  PERIOD!

Imagine how a parent saying that in the presence of their sick and suffering child would make them feel!

Although, I will be the first to admit that one can be  blessed in the midst of a medical crisis.

 

Many parents of disabled or ill children have said that even  if they could they  wouldn’t change anything at all about what happened to their child.

I’M SORRY, BUT I’M NOT THAT NOBLE!!

If I could turn back time and change the series of events that nearly killed my daughter,  caused her to suffer torture upon torture in brain cancer treatments, and caused her to have multiple permanent disabilities….I WOULD ERASE EVERY.  LAST.  PAINFUL. TRAUMATIC.  FRIGHTENING DETAIL!!

I have no idea why God allows bad things to happen to innocent children.  I don’t think anyone really does…not really.  We can pretend to understand to sound spiritual.  We can try to rationalize why and explain it using scripture verses…but I still don’t think anyone really understands why.

BUT WE CAN THROUGH  FAITH  BELIEVE THAT OUR LOVING AND MERCIFUL GOD LOVES OUR CHILDREN.  

WE CAN THROUGH FAITH BELIEVE THAT GOD DOES HAVE A GOOD REASON.  

WE CAN THROUGH FAITH BELIEVE THAT GOD REALLY DOES KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR OUR CHILDREN, THAT HIS PLAN IS PERFECT, AND THAT HE HAS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL

WE CAN THROUGH FAITH BELIEVE THAT SOMEDAY OUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN WILL NEVER, EVER  SUFFER AGAIN AND WHEN WE ALL GET TO HEAVEN WE WILL UNDERSTAND AND IT WILL ALL MAKE PERFECT SENSE!!!

OH WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY THAT WILL BE!!!
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21 thoughts on “Why Did God Allow all This Crap Happen to my Daughter?

  1. What an awesome post, Syliva. It’s a mini primer on what NOT to say to someone who has a sick child. I pray for Bethany and your family daily. I don’t understand why God allows children to suffer – I really don’t – but reading your words brings comfort. Hugs to you, my friend.

  2. Bravo Sylvia! I wish I knew why people spouted such crap. I’m in your boat, I say to people if God doesn’t give you more than you can handle then he must have me mixed up with some one else! Oh and don’t give me that baloney that it takes a ‘special’ parent to have a ‘special’ child. Phooey!!!

    • Yes, Kerri. I do so agree. I don’t want to be so special. I certainly do get more than I can handle on a regular basis, just as I’m sure you do. Some days I feel like I’m going to crumble and go mad!!

  3. You have good thoughts to share, Sylvia. Thanks for your honesty, as I’m sure it will be helpful to some. One verse that has helped me with the “why?” is John 16:33. It clearly states that in this world we WILL have struggles. Its a fact. No one is exempt from hardship – not even little children. Everyone has their own kinds of struggles to deal with. It doesn’t mean we have done something we are being punished for. It just means we live in a broken world. It is not perfect here because of sin. But, as John 16:33 explains, we also have hope because Jesus has overcome this world and, one day, our struggles will be over. In the meantime, we need to LIVE for Him the best we can, LEARN from our experiences, and GLORIFY Him in all we do. This may not be very comforting for those who are currently struggling, but it at least helps me to understand that bad things happen to good people – not because we are being punished – but just becasue we live in a broken world. Does it make sense?

    • It makes perfect sense, Victoria! In fact this is exactly what my husband and I were talking about on our way to the grocery store for an early morning emergency organic corn run! Another thing that we came up with was that sadly yet understandably, other people sometimes feel the need to judge and analyze others’ misfortunes and suffering because they want there to be a reason for the suffering so that they can reassure themselves that it won’t happen to them! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your concern Blessings to you, my friend!

      • When Adam sinned and brought bad things to the world God allowed us to go our own way. It would never have been this way if He had not given us free will. I do not believe God “allows” not in that sense. I believe the world goes on as it must. We all have our road to travel and the lessons we learn prepare us for the next world,…. or it defeats us. If we believe, then we have God to lean on and guide us, otherwise we walk a very difficult and lonely road alone. We are here to show the Love of God to others in difficult situations and to learn from them. By our trials we can guide others to God;s love. God does not cause bad things to happen. He can use those things to bring others to Him if we show them that the world will not defeat us, only strengthen us through Gods love. Bad things will happen in this inperfect world, Satan is king for now. Not forever though, his time is coming to an end. Bless you and your child.
        Janice

        • Thank you for your kind words of wisdom, Janice. I just wish it was not my child (or any child) teaching these lessons! I also want to perfectly clear, It is not me doing the suffering. I am bearing no cross because of what my daughter has and continues to go through…it is my daughter going through hell and I don’t like it!

  4. Exactly. I so don’t feel autism is a blessing or something to be embraced. It really holds back my son and if I could get rid of it for him I would. And as for my son’s brain tumor. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. I know God did not give my baby the brain tumor, but He does have the power to prevent it or heal it miraculously. But He didn’t. And I don’t know why. I do take comfort in knowing that one day I will know and that he didn’t go through brain surgery for nothing.

  5. Wow….you really said that so well! I have a child who has had epilepsy, but it is milder than your child. It is so very hard and you said everything that I would want to say, too. God bless you and your family.

  6. Pingback: True Confessions: My Spiritual Crisis of Sorts |

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