It’s getting harder and harder for me to deny that the depression I’m feeling isn’t just a passing phase that I’ll snap out of soon.
Feeling depressed is nothing new for me.
I’ve been experiencing temporary bouts of depression since I was ten years old.
Every once in awhile, I just feel all melancholy and sad for a couple of weeks.
But always before, as suddenly as the depression descends upon me, one day I suddenly wake up feeling fine and happy again.
I’ve been hoping that this time, I’ll snap out of it too, but this time it really does feel different.
So, I made an appointment to talk to my primary caregiver about it.
I have been feeling overwhelmingly sad and hopeless ever since I broke my shoulder last May.
I cry inconsolably almost every day.
I feel like there is no hope for the future.
I fear getting older.
I dread the nearing day that Bethany will need to live somewhere where without me.
I worry about her safety in the future.
I feel sorry for myself because of all the pain that a broken shoulder and physical therapy are forcing me to endure.
I have anxiety about maybe never regaining the range of motion in my shoulder.
And my leg pain and mobility issues are beginning to greatly reduce the quality of my life.
Now I can also add the bad news that is weirdly also kinda good news that I just got into the mix!
You know how I’ve mentioned a few times before that I have spinal stenosis and I thought its symptoms were worsening?
Well, I finally got in to see my neurosurgeon about that!
It turns out my x-rays showed that my spinal condition has actually improved slightly!!
So, why am I having so much pain in my hips and legs and having so much trouble walking, you might be wondering, just as I have?
Because the very same x-rays also revealed that I have severe bilateral arthritis in both hips!
I actually feel relieved by this new development!
I feel like I am finally on the right track to maybe feeling better soon!
I won’t need that nasty MRI of my spine done anymore, either.
(I have extreme claustrophobia and was soooo dreading that!)
And best of all, I won’t need any spinal surgery!
Maybe this is the start of things finally looking up for me!
I would so appreciate a few prayers, if you please, wish me luck, and keep your fingers crossed!